I recently had a moment where time seemed to stand still. Faced with conviction and on the cusp of a breakdown, I wept for a few minutes. After praying and seeking reprieve with God, I realized that something was wrong. Not wanting to rush the thought process, I sat down and stared at the wall, then the arm chair across the room. For what seemed like a good long pause it then occured to me that I had lost perspective, even if just for a moment.

What did I want?

Did I even consider what God wants?

Where is God in my life? In my friends? where is my path for today?

All these questions never came to mind on a daily basis. Really, they should.

There should be no loss of perspective, because with loss of perspective comes misconception of purpose.

So I did what any one I admire would do. I gave up. My "self" that is.

God didn't tell us to be dead to the world but alive to Him for nothing after all.

I just hope I don't forget to do it again tomarrow

To Bills on Christmas

My dear friend and brother,

May the Lord God bring tidings of peace and blessings of joy unspeakable this season. It seems almost surreal this year, the changes that have came and past and I look back upon the days of our fellowship with great fondness in my heart. The time is meet now for me to dispense the admonition you deserve.

From the time that I first met you unto this very day, I have found no less than a true God fearing man in you. So much that God used you in my life as a catalyst in the renewing of my walk with Him. Yes it is true there are faults we all share and some we hold alone, yet I must admit I find not many in you. Even in the midst of your own personal battles with sin and pride you have found the courage to let God be God, and that has in turn encouraged me and doubtless others.



Then, I saw you as a man who shared his life with a fellow in the faith, putting aside self and putting on mercy and forbearance. Much forbearance was most unquestionably needed in dealing with me I'm certain. However, you did show that desire to help and to teach and to lead and in more ways than just discipleship you did. I have learned more in the last two to three years then I had since I received that everlasting gift of salvation.



While we met on the weekends over coffee and mochas, I was pushed to be myself and nothing less. You grew with me too, constantly learning from your past, my past and our present. Not to mention the cloud of witnesses found in the pages of the ever expanding volumes of literature you consumed. I found a passion for reading again and a zeal for change I did not have before we met. After a year we grew to be great friends, and I began to see you as my best friend. Not just a term thrown around but one who would be my first choice as best man at my future wedding. You are someone I find commanding of trust and worthy of the utmost respect, regardless of whatever circumstances, should any ever arise.



And so now, I see you as my friend. Yet, not just my friend, but my best friend. But not just my best friend, but my dear brother who I admire and love. I said I could not keep my words to a simple text and so I write this christmas day to one who has encouraged me in prayer and in life, as an example and a witness. God has been most gracious and merciful to bring us into fellowship. I stand today as a fellow servant of the most High, as one who partakes in the intimacy prayer brings us not only with the Lord but with each other.

My prayer for you dear brother, is that you would gain peace and endless opportunity. I pray that doors into ministry would constantly open to you and in those opportunities that you would bring honor and glory to our Lord. May you abide in Christ as the true vine, with open eyes to see, open ears to hear His voice, an an open heart to receive His blessings. I know He has a plan for you, and I know His will is best. When the time comes you will know what to do.

Thank you for being such a great friend to me sir. Most of all for praying with me and for me, as I can only hope I do for you. Merry Christmas Bills, may joy abound in your heart and peace in your soul. And may God continue to lead you by the Holy Ghost.

Before I leave off, I feel the need to thank the Lord for revealing this verse in scripture to me. I believe I understand it better in reflecting on the relationship we have in Christ and how He has matured me through our friendship.

I Corinthians 13:11 - For as a child I spake as a child, understood as a child, thought as a child; But when I became a man, I put away childish things.

Here we are my friend, fellow sojourners in this dark place, Men who are on the brink of new things as we see the old things pass before our very eyes.

Follow the desires that God puts in your heart.

Run with them, and if you ask God to close the wrong doors He will.

I miss you.

In Love and Friendship always,

Joshua Eric Suffoletto

How long?

How long will we ignore the truth to our own decay?

We were all created for the primary purpose of worshipping the Creator of the Universe. Having been giving the awesome faculties of imagination and the amazing gift of talents and abilities, we selfishly choose to live our lives for ourselves. Nevermind the fact that there are millions in the Earth blinded by secular humanism and pluralism. Not to mention there is an enemy who steals the Word from their hearts before it takes root.

We must face the truth about ourselves. Be honest about our sin before the Holy One. There has to be Godly Sorrow that worketh to repentence. This must be the first thing to take place, a time of brokeness before Christ, before God.

After that, the decision to Worship must be made. To present ourselves a Living Sacrifice, holy and and pleasing to the Lord, is our acceptable form of worship. We must decrease and He must increase. In order for that to happen we have to crucify our flesh and our selfsih lusts. Time to thing of God first, then the people around us.

This is not some life to be lived one day at a time hoping we get a pretty wife, a decent house, and a good job. This is a life meant to be sacrificed for the furtherance of the Kingdom for Christ. There are people everywhere who need to begin a relationship with Jesus just as bad as we need to live out our own.

Our time, our talents and our will are the tools of the trade to be used for God. We need to give up the throne of our lives and let the Word of God renew our minds. Satan is out to steal God's glory and reduce us to mere people who live 9 to 5 jobs, and find ways to entertain ourselves otherwise.

How long will we ignore the truth to our spiritual decay?

The shortest blog I'll ever write... perhaps.

I am at a loss for words, the thoughts are there but they fail to present themselves written properly. That said, the following disclaimer applies. I have a previous track record of veering off of a subject so please bear with me as I try to convey my current position. I believe whole heartedly that in all things we have victory, and can do all things, but no one, no not one should ever, ever say this: Being a christian is easy.

Following Christ is hard. It means careful consideration of all things, sacrifice of self, trial and tribulation, and heavy opposition from a world blinded by lies. It means rejection of secularization and pluralistic society for truth that is touted as false. Persecution at the hands of family, friends, employers, and strangers. Facing every facet of our own humanity and coming to grips with our natural depravity and sin nature. Ultimately it means to give up the throne of self.

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There are few things in life more disturbing then a man divided against himself. What comes to mind of course are images of failed marriages, broken homes and wrongful deaths. These are quite disturbing, but even so, a man or woman divided within is horrifying. Half the woes of the human experience come from within ourselves.

Abraham Lincoln once said that a house divided against itself cannot stand, just like the nation he brought through it's darkest hour would have fell if not united. Much in the same respect is a person, when torn inside is unstable, prone to mishap, failure, and hopelessness. The burden falls to responsibility and ownership. When our country decided to unite great things came to pass, the abolition of slavery, and on to the bill of rights. We as people, as individuals are given the same burden.

The burden to unite from within and without, the personal responsibility of every action, every thought and every nuance ultimately falls upon ourselves. There are of course things out of our hands, given to chance, given to the decisions of others, given to authority and things of a higher nature. Even so, every person is accountable for all aspects within the realm of influence.
We are accountable first to God, then ourselves, and finally to each other.

It is easy to position the blame outside of ourselves. To look at our short comings and failures, and say it's not my fault. It's even easier not to care, to go forth as if nothing matters. We can compensate for anything in this manner. For Example, I myself have certain difficulties in the social realm of consideration and conversation, for many years I blamed all the people who stuck with the 1st impression, all the people who didn't grant me a second chance. Instead of realizing it was my place to learn how to interact with others, I pinned my failure on others.

The responsibility is ours alone. In all things, we are the ones who are accountable, all things considered. We are accountable to God, and we are accountable to ourselves. A divided person has no accountability, has no mirror from which to receive an objective view. This person has no foundation to stand upon, or they in reality have a firm foundation, they choose not to stand on the one they have. In life it all returns to the foundation. The world view, the life view, the view of self.

We are all three fold in nature, body, soul, and spirit. Some of us alive in all three aspects, and some of us alive in only two. A divided person can be either, without exclusivity. Health comes from a focus on God. Wholeness comes from the relationship with the Lord of Hosts, whether present or non existent. We can have health in the flesh and be dead inside. We can be dying in the flesh and bursting with life from within, all dependant on one relationship.

Health in the Body comes from a focus on God, the life lived in His prescence acknowledging the truth that our body is in fact His temple. If we take care of the temple, there is much reward. Energy, tranquility, focus, and good health come from a proper perspective of the body we've been given. Abstaining from things unprofitable to the health of the body is imperative, and pleasing to God. Giving God our bodies, is not only one of the smartest things we can do, but it's also a form of worship.

Wholeness comes also from a healthy soul. Our souls get burdened by the guilt and shame of sin. When we abide in Christ and rest in Him, we understand the truth about salvation and forgiveness. We realize the reality of our condition and know that only through Christ are we ever clean. When we put Jesus in proper perspective as the Most High, as our Lord and not just someone we happen to believe in, then we find power to be whole. We find all the love and grace we need when we fail, all the mercy to pick us up again, and all we need to change. When we see Jesus as He truly is, and live accordingly, we live the abundant life he spoke of.

Our spirit can be torn within, our hearts broken and our lives in pieces. The Holy Ghost intercedes for us and God knows our needs. We were meant to worship, to have intimacy with our God. To be whole inside and out, and to be united in Body, Soul, and Spirit. God's prescence is in us through His Spirit, and only He can make us whole. Before this can take place, we have to take ownership, and responsiblity.

God is not a magic fairy who instantly changes people, making them how they think they should be. Trials come, testing happens, life gets hard, very hard, and in the midst of those times, the opportunity to worship in spirit in truth comes along. When we live for God, we come through the trials and temptations, mature and strong. We come to God trusting in Him alone for wholeness, for identity, and for worth.

We can all be whole, but we have to live with conviction. We have to face the man in the mirror and be willing to surrender every area, all aspects of this life. Friends, Family, Relationships, Money, Entertainment, Education, Occupation, Purpose, Reason, Knowledge, Everything.
This is the only way to be whole. We must die to the world. Die to Ourselves. Be alive to God the Christ. Surrender. Trust.

"Why are you striving, these days? Why are you trying to earn grace? Why are you crying? Let me lift up your face. Just don't turn away."

"Why are you looking for Love? Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough? To where will you go child? Tell me where will you run? To where will you run?"

" Cause I'll be by your side where ever you fall, in the dead of night whenever you call and please don't fight these hands that are holding you. My hands are holding you. "

" Look at these hands, and my side. They swallowed the grave on that night. When I drank the world's sin so I could carry you in, and give you life. I want to give you life."

" 'Cause I'll be by your side where ever you fall, in the dead of night, whenever you call and please don't fight these hands that are holding you. My hands are holding you."

Tenth Ave. North - By Your Side

Reluctance, Trust, and The Burden of Knowing

On Reluctance...

Hebrews 12:1-2 says Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin that doth so easily beset us; Looking to Jesus the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him, endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God.

Memorizing this the other day has made me think upon my hesitations. Mainly the hesitation to act upon the knowledge bestowed upon me. Over the years not only have I had the cloud of witnesses that the Word of God is dripping with, but, I've been priveledged to share the company of many fine men and women of God. It became clear when recalling the advice of my dear friend that I was reluctant and defiant. Bolstered with rebellion and sin.

James 4:17 it is written Therefore to him that knoweth to do good, and doeth it not, to him it is sin.

It was told me, that when the moment arose and I was tempted that my reaction or action should be to recite scripture to myself. To use the Word of God as my defence and offence against temptation. I was reluctant and for months and months fell over and over to besetting sins. I didn't have the discipline of a good listener. Thank the Lord for a good memory and His Spirit to recall Godly council to mind.

The worst thing I did in days past was hesitate to quote scripture, and at that, to memorize it, meditate upon it, and surround myself with it. Walking further on down the road of thought, I started to think upon my lack of trust as a direct result of my reluctance to submit.

On Trust...

Proverbs 3:5 , Trust in the Lord with all thy heart, and lean not on thine own understanding, in all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy path.

This was the first verse ever I ever commited to heart. During my first retreat, I saw it written on a laminated sign hanging on the bathroom door. I never thought that I would think of this or others so long after. In the last weeks, my trust has been faltering and I have found myself in question. So structure was found lacking in my life,the lack of trust, lack of faith and an abundance of reluctance.

It is written in James 1:2-8, My brethren count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations; Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience. But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing. If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him. But let him ask in faith, nothing waivering. For he that waivereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed. For let not that man think that he shall receive any thing of the Lord. A double minded man is unstable in all his ways.

These scriptures hit hard. I don't have structure because I hadn't asked in faith for structure. The trying of my faith brought about failure and sin because I hesistated to do the things I knew to do. The burden of knowledge is not so heavy so long as you follow the truth. It's also written the truth shall set you free, and it's true. When I stop, and abide, I find myself starting to see structure in places I thought were utter chaos.

On the Burden of Knowing...

I don't know as much as half the people I know, in fact I don't know much at all. What I do know now, is that when you know the truth you should stick to it. You should always perform the truth you carry in your heart. I did not do this at all. I knew to memorize scripture, to get organized and make plans, to bring my plans before the Lord, and to make intercession and supplication the foremost of priorities outside of baing still and waiting.

I knew the verses that talked about putting on the whole armor of God, spent time with my closest friend repeating it over and over. The problem came when I was reluctant to put it into practice. When I failed to trust the God for help. I was rebelling against His will, and letting the weight of His Word crush me.

In Conclusion...

A few days ago, I was trying to figure out why I had all my ducks lining up, yet I couldn't find the joy and hunger I had 3 weeks prior. I realized my reluctance to trust God, and abide in Him. It was obvious that He had walked me through scriptures in advance. Showing me the words I would need to hear and know, that would get me back to Him.